The return of the poofs

Back when my brothers and I were kids, my dad used to put baby powder in his sneakers.  Totally normal, right?  Well, let me explain a little further.  He had holes in the toes of one particular pair of sneakers, and always put just a little too much baby powder in them.  So when he walked for the first few minutes, tiny poofs of baby powder would come out the fronts.  This quickly turned into a family joke, and a good family friend who has an incredible talent for writing and making us laugh turned it into a monthly comic strip for our family newsletter at the time.  We still read those and laugh so hard we cry.

How it all began....

Today was one of those days.

One of those toddler days.

You know, those days you see pictures of and read blogs about, but you never actually see in real life.

We are trying to teach Little L. that after lunch, everybody needs quiet time.  I have been especially tired lately, so when she actually falls asleep during Quiet Time, sometimes I'm lucky enough to get a catnap in too.  When she doesn't fall asleep, it's a constant battle of "Go back to your room!" and her trying to get out before we say she can.  I keep hoping it will get better and easier.

Yesterday she was pretty quiet, even though she didn't sleep, and I ended up taking a nap.  When I woke up, the house was in order, nothing was broken, and she was content playing quietly by herself in the living room.

Today, after not hearing her for a while, I just figured I'd be able to take another quick nap.  And I did. I heard her off in the distance, but she was quiet again.  Not too quiet, to be suspicious, but quiet while playing with some toys I recognized the sounds of.  No problem.  I woke up to her taking pictures of me sleeping (yes, she got ahold of the camera.....that should have been the first sign of trouble). So I took the camera away, and realized something was wrong....there was some clay stuck in a few crevices.  Then I realized a thin white film covering it.  And then realized that same white film was covering Little L.'s nose...and face...and in her hair...and all over her clothes....suddenly I was up, realizing that disaster had struck while I was in dreamland.

I followed the white trail out of my room and found piles in the living room.  On the floor, on the couch, on the TV stand, in her snack bowl, in a water bottle, mixed with her clay.

I kept following the trail (no, it didn't stop there).  Her room was like a white snowy explosion.

The kitchen was a little less white, but there were toddler footprints all over the place.

ALL.  OVER.  THE.  HOUSE.

Like...even in the fan.  And the electrical sockets.  And the doors and walls.  And in the snot running down Little L.'s face (she has a cold).  Under the couches.  On the baseboards.  Smeared on the glass door.  On the bathroom sink board.  In her bed.

I ordered her to the bathroom and told her to strip down to her diaper.  I had no idea where to begin.  First I picked up the baby powder bottle....yeah, it was totally empty. 

YOU GUYS.  I HAD JUST CLEANED THE HOUSE THIS MORNING.

Also, you'd think baby powder would be easier to clean up from tile than from carpet.  IT'S NOT.  It's impossible on any surface.  First I swept.  Then I mopped.  Then when the floor dried, I realized....there was still a ton on the floor.

So I tossed some of Little L.'s toys in the shower, and put her in there too, with the order that she was to clean the toys.  Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone....she needed a shower too, and she'd get one while she cleaned the toys.  Meanwhile, I stripped her bed and tossed all that in the wash.  Then I took some time to try to regroup, while she was playing merrily in the shower.  

Not gonna lie...I was mad.  I was so mad.  You'd think the house would smell good after all that....but I learned that baby powder in large quantities is overpowering and smells terrible.  I opened all the windows and doors, and even that didn't get rid of the smell.

Anyway, I got over it and am already laughing about it.  There's still baby powder residue in the living room that I'll deal with tomorrow with the daily sweep.  My students got a good laugh out of this tonight.

But hey, two things came out of this:

One....one of my first thoughts was "at least it isn't poop!!!"

And two....Little L. has taken the poofs to a new level.  So I guess we have a new family champion!!

This is not the end

Okay guys....this post is honest, open, and really hard to write. The past 3ish weeks have been crazy, and have felt more like a couple months. When I wrote my last post about Christmas,  I knew this would be the next one.

As I begin jotting things down for this, I am sitting on an airplane somewhere over central America and Little L. Is fast asleep in my arms. It is her second birthday....she turned two while sleeping on my lap. So many thoughts about that  (mainly, where has my baby gone?)...but not today. 

On December 26, my mom told me that my paternal grandmother, Nana, was in the hospital. She had some infections, a blockage in her throat making it impossible to swallow anything solid, and a few other complications. My parents and youngest brother went to see her immediately. She chose not to have any treatment, understanding that it meant her days were very limited. In the next couple days, my two other brothers flew out from Alaska to see her. Meanwhile I was extremely upset, at home in Brazil. 

Nana is 99 years old. Logically we all knew that this day had to come. I kept telling myself that as I fell apart. It didn't help. Nothing can truly prepare you for the death of someone you love. My knowledge of and faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ, knowing that my family can be eternal, help soften the blow. But the pain is still there, and it is real.

I sat at home not knowing what to do.  I cried and Little L. tried comforting me with her perfect little hugs and kisses, not understanding at all what was going on.  Husband just let me cry on his shoulder, while internally agonizing over the fact that I was far from my family in this critical moment.  Just out of curiosity, my youngest brother and I began looking at flights from here to NY.  It was all much too expensive...unless I wanted a 40-hour trip through Mexico to get there.  By myself, I'd do it.  But I had Little L. to think about too.  

To make a long story short, over the next few days we had tons of ups and downs.  It finally looked do-able.  Then suddenly the reasonable flight disappeared.  Then the card didn't work when we finally got another good one.  There were so many miracles in such a short few days...and angels.  We truly have angels in our lives, disguised as our friends.  We were finally able to get a relatively inexpensive flight, one that was only 18 hours from start to finish, only one layover.  We would leave here December 31, and stay there until January 12.  The flight back would be insanely long, but I'd deal with that when the time came. 

I cancelled the rest of my classes for the last couple days of the week, and tried to pull myself together.  Just knowing that we'd be going to see my side of the family was HUGE for me.  I don't know why it calmed me down so much; it didn't change the situation.  Nana was still on a liquids-only diet.

She arrived home from the hospital a couple days before Little L. and I arrived on the scene.  By the time we got there, my two brothers were back in Alaska, but the youngest was still there.  He and Little L. have a special bond, so I was glad we'd get a few days with him at least.  He and my parents met us at the airport early on January 1.  Our 2018 had begun on the airplane in São Paulo, before takeoff. 

It was WONDERFUL to see my family again.  And Nana looked so much better than I had been expecting.  Little L. warmed up right away to everyone, and it was adorable to see the special care she took with Nana.  She's a small child, but she had to have some notion of what was going on, because she was so kind and gentle with Nana, playing by her side, holding her hand, etc.  Little L. also absolutely LOVED the snow!

We spent the next 11 days mostly in NY.  We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which was nice.  I got to see my childhood best friend again, and her daughter and Little L. played together as if they hadn't been apart for several months. 

Those 11 days were crazy.  So many emotions in such a short time.  I held myself together surprisingly well.  I think seeing Nana better than I expected helped.  I know the inevitable will come, but at least for a few days, life was back to normal- Nana was okay.  

I think what was hardest on me was seeing Nana get weaker.  Some days she was in exceptionally good condition, but other days she seemed exceptionally weak.  I told her so one day, that she seemed to be doing really well.  She told me it was because Little L. and my parents and I had come back from their house, and were with her again.  The next day my parents went home, and I would be leaving the following day- that was her worst day while I was there.  She was very weak, didn't want to eat/drink too much, and seemed very sad.  That was January 11.

That night, I got the last of my things together for the trip back to Brazil, and then I had to say goodbye to Nana.  I hadn't thought much about that moment.  I saw my youngest brother cry when he said goodbye (he wasn't sticking around New England, he was off on his next adventure), but I hadn't thought about my turn.

It's a moment I don't think I'll ever forget.  It was around 10pm, and Little L. was still awake- she wouldn't go to sleep without me that night.  So we went into the living room and talked with Nana a little.  Little L. hugged her and kissed her and kept saying "I love you, Banana [her name for Nana]".  It was really too bad Nana couldn't hear her.  I went to hug Nana and tell her I love her, and that was the moment I just about lost it.  I started crying, and then tried to hide it, but obviously I couldn't.  And Nana just held onto me like there was no tomorrow. She said some beautiful things to me.

This picture spans 4 generations of Ogdens....it is a treasure!

I think I came back to Brazil half in a daze.  It was a long trip,  but Little L. was an angel on the trip again, which was a huge blessing.  It all still seems so unreal.  I know what's going to happen; I know this was probably the last time I was going to see Nana in this mortal life.  I guess this happened with my great-grandmother, Oma, too.  She passed away when I was 16 years old, and I have subconsciously blocked out the last bit of her life.  I remember when she started to go downhill, and then my memories jump to seeing her early in the day, the day she died.  Mom tells me I was pretty upset about that too, which is probably why I don't remember much.  

And now...I have memories.  Wonderful, sweet, fantastic, amazing memories.  And an eternal future to look forward to.  I am so grateful for the angels in my life who made this trip possible.  One of those angels is my Husband, who wasn't okay until I was on the airplane going to see my family.  I am grateful for Little L. being able to see her great-grandparents again.  Although the circumstances for the trip were less than ideal, I was grateful to see part of my USA family again.  I didn't realize how much I had been needing to see them.

I feel like I have just been word-vomiting here, and I don't know how much I was able to adequately get across.  I'm not even sure why I felt like I needed to write this post.  All I know is I don't have words to describe my feelings and thoughts over the past few weeks.  I hope I've been able to express a fraction of my mind to you!

Nana is a great woman, one of the greatest I know, and deserves to have the world know her greatness.  She is leaving a legacy in her family.

Also, we celebrated Little L.'s birthday a few days early with her grandparents and great-grandparents