Death gives rise to hope.

A morte leva à esperança.

On June 1, 2010, I was a missionary in São Paulo.  My uncle had had cancer for a while, but in all the news I’d received from home, things were looking up.  He was doing better.  On this day, however, my mission president called me and informed me that Uncle Eddie had passed away that morning.  He gave me the option of calling home if I wanted to (missionaries generally only call home on Mothers’ Day and Christmas).  

Dia 1 de junho de 2010, eu era uma missionária em São Paulo.  Meu tio tinha cancer durante um tempo, mas em todas as notícias que eu estava recebendo de minha família, ele estava bem.  Neste dia, portanto, meu presidente de missão me ligou e me informou que Uncle Eddie tinha falecido aquela manhã.  Ele me deu a opção de ligar para casa se eu quisesse (geralmente os missionários só ligam para casa no Dia das Mães e no Natal).

On May 24, 2018, I was in Recife spending a week at the temple there. As you all know from my last post (a few months ago), Nana had taken a turn for the worse at the end of 2017.  Since then, however, she’d gotten stronger, and had made some improvements. On this day, however, I got a phone call from my parents informing me that Nana had passed away that morning.

No dia 24 de maio de 2018, eu estava em Recife passando uma semana no templo.  Como vocês sabem da minha última post (alguns meses atrás), Nana tinha piorado de saúde no final de 2017.  Desde então, ela tinha ficado mais forte, estava melhorando.  Neste dia, portanto, recebi uma ligação de meus pais me informando que Nana tinha falecido aquela manhã.

As I have been reflecting over the last few days, these situations are similar.  Both passings were expected, and yet unexpected at that moment.  And for both, I was in the best possible place I could be.  What a blessing!

Enquanto tenho refletido nos últimos dias, vejo que essas situações se parecem.  Ambos os falecimentos foram esperados, mas não naquele momento.  E para os 2, eu estava no melhor lugar que eu podia estar.  Que bênção!

When I heard the news about Uncle Eddie as a young missionary, I cried.  We ate ice cream and brownies that day.  I studied a bit about what happens after death, and took comfort in my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation- I would one day be together with all my family members again.  Although sad, as a normal human would be, I knew I was going to be okay.  I did call home, mostly to see how my family was doing with this turn of events.  They too were upset, but they were okay too.

Quando soube de Uncle Eddie como uma jovem missionária, eu chorei.  Tomamos sorvete e comemos brownie naquele dia.  Estudei bastante sobre o que acontece após a morte, e encontrei conforto no meu conhecimento do Plano de Salvação- um dia eu estaria com toda minha família novamente.  Apesar de triste, como um ser humano normal ficaria, eu sabia que eu ficaria bem.  Eu liguei para casa, mais para saber como minha família estava.  Eles também estavam triste, mas também ficariam bem.

Last week when I heard about Nana, I cried again.  A lot. But the next day I was able to spend some time in the temple, and reflect upon everything I have learned up to this point in my life.  Death is not the end.  Nana was reunited with her parents, and many others who passed on before her…and even some she had always wanted to meet.  She was okay; I am okay.  

Semana passada quando eu soube de Nana, eu chorei novamente.  Bastante.  Mas no próximo dia, eu tive o privilégio de passar um tempo no templo, refletindo em tudo que tenho aprendido na minha vida até agora.  A morte não é o fim.  Nana foi reunida com os pais dela, e muitos outros que faleceram antes dela….e até algumas pessoas que ela sempre queria conhecer.  Ela está bem; eu estou bem.

I can’t put into words all the feelings and emotions I’ve had the past few days, and 8 years ago too, but I can say one thing that I hope touches somebody reading this:  I KNOW, without the smallest doubt, that families are meant to be together forever.  PLEASE learn about this, and PLEASE find hope in Heavenly Father’s plan.

Não posso colocar em palavras todos os sentimentos e emoções que venho sentindo nesses últimos dias, e 8 anos atrás também, mas eu posso dizer uma coisa que eu espero que toque alguém lendo isso:  Eu SEI, sem dúvida nenhuma, que as famílias foram feitas para ser eternas.  POR FAVOR, aprender sobre isso, e POR FAVOR, encontre esperança no plano do Pai Celestial.

me with Uncle Eddie and Aunt Tracy, back in July 2007

Nana, clearly overjoyed at the whole family being together for Christmas 2004

This is not the end

Okay guys....this post is honest, open, and really hard to write. The past 3ish weeks have been crazy, and have felt more like a couple months. When I wrote my last post about Christmas,  I knew this would be the next one.

As I begin jotting things down for this, I am sitting on an airplane somewhere over central America and Little L. Is fast asleep in my arms. It is her second birthday....she turned two while sleeping on my lap. So many thoughts about that  (mainly, where has my baby gone?)...but not today. 

On December 26, my mom told me that my paternal grandmother, Nana, was in the hospital. She had some infections, a blockage in her throat making it impossible to swallow anything solid, and a few other complications. My parents and youngest brother went to see her immediately. She chose not to have any treatment, understanding that it meant her days were very limited. In the next couple days, my two other brothers flew out from Alaska to see her. Meanwhile I was extremely upset, at home in Brazil. 

Nana is 99 years old. Logically we all knew that this day had to come. I kept telling myself that as I fell apart. It didn't help. Nothing can truly prepare you for the death of someone you love. My knowledge of and faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ, knowing that my family can be eternal, help soften the blow. But the pain is still there, and it is real.

I sat at home not knowing what to do.  I cried and Little L. tried comforting me with her perfect little hugs and kisses, not understanding at all what was going on.  Husband just let me cry on his shoulder, while internally agonizing over the fact that I was far from my family in this critical moment.  Just out of curiosity, my youngest brother and I began looking at flights from here to NY.  It was all much too expensive...unless I wanted a 40-hour trip through Mexico to get there.  By myself, I'd do it.  But I had Little L. to think about too.  

To make a long story short, over the next few days we had tons of ups and downs.  It finally looked do-able.  Then suddenly the reasonable flight disappeared.  Then the card didn't work when we finally got another good one.  There were so many miracles in such a short few days...and angels.  We truly have angels in our lives, disguised as our friends.  We were finally able to get a relatively inexpensive flight, one that was only 18 hours from start to finish, only one layover.  We would leave here December 31, and stay there until January 12.  The flight back would be insanely long, but I'd deal with that when the time came. 

I cancelled the rest of my classes for the last couple days of the week, and tried to pull myself together.  Just knowing that we'd be going to see my side of the family was HUGE for me.  I don't know why it calmed me down so much; it didn't change the situation.  Nana was still on a liquids-only diet.

She arrived home from the hospital a couple days before Little L. and I arrived on the scene.  By the time we got there, my two brothers were back in Alaska, but the youngest was still there.  He and Little L. have a special bond, so I was glad we'd get a few days with him at least.  He and my parents met us at the airport early on January 1.  Our 2018 had begun on the airplane in São Paulo, before takeoff. 

It was WONDERFUL to see my family again.  And Nana looked so much better than I had been expecting.  Little L. warmed up right away to everyone, and it was adorable to see the special care she took with Nana.  She's a small child, but she had to have some notion of what was going on, because she was so kind and gentle with Nana, playing by her side, holding her hand, etc.  Little L. also absolutely LOVED the snow!

We spent the next 11 days mostly in NY.  We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which was nice.  I got to see my childhood best friend again, and her daughter and Little L. played together as if they hadn't been apart for several months. 

Those 11 days were crazy.  So many emotions in such a short time.  I held myself together surprisingly well.  I think seeing Nana better than I expected helped.  I know the inevitable will come, but at least for a few days, life was back to normal- Nana was okay.  

I think what was hardest on me was seeing Nana get weaker.  Some days she was in exceptionally good condition, but other days she seemed exceptionally weak.  I told her so one day, that she seemed to be doing really well.  She told me it was because Little L. and my parents and I had come back from their house, and were with her again.  The next day my parents went home, and I would be leaving the following day- that was her worst day while I was there.  She was very weak, didn't want to eat/drink too much, and seemed very sad.  That was January 11.

That night, I got the last of my things together for the trip back to Brazil, and then I had to say goodbye to Nana.  I hadn't thought much about that moment.  I saw my youngest brother cry when he said goodbye (he wasn't sticking around New England, he was off on his next adventure), but I hadn't thought about my turn.

It's a moment I don't think I'll ever forget.  It was around 10pm, and Little L. was still awake- she wouldn't go to sleep without me that night.  So we went into the living room and talked with Nana a little.  Little L. hugged her and kissed her and kept saying "I love you, Banana [her name for Nana]".  It was really too bad Nana couldn't hear her.  I went to hug Nana and tell her I love her, and that was the moment I just about lost it.  I started crying, and then tried to hide it, but obviously I couldn't.  And Nana just held onto me like there was no tomorrow. She said some beautiful things to me.

This picture spans 4 generations of Ogdens....it is a treasure!

I think I came back to Brazil half in a daze.  It was a long trip,  but Little L. was an angel on the trip again, which was a huge blessing.  It all still seems so unreal.  I know what's going to happen; I know this was probably the last time I was going to see Nana in this mortal life.  I guess this happened with my great-grandmother, Oma, too.  She passed away when I was 16 years old, and I have subconsciously blocked out the last bit of her life.  I remember when she started to go downhill, and then my memories jump to seeing her early in the day, the day she died.  Mom tells me I was pretty upset about that too, which is probably why I don't remember much.  

And now...I have memories.  Wonderful, sweet, fantastic, amazing memories.  And an eternal future to look forward to.  I am so grateful for the angels in my life who made this trip possible.  One of those angels is my Husband, who wasn't okay until I was on the airplane going to see my family.  I am grateful for Little L. being able to see her great-grandparents again.  Although the circumstances for the trip were less than ideal, I was grateful to see part of my USA family again.  I didn't realize how much I had been needing to see them.

I feel like I have just been word-vomiting here, and I don't know how much I was able to adequately get across.  I'm not even sure why I felt like I needed to write this post.  All I know is I don't have words to describe my feelings and thoughts over the past few weeks.  I hope I've been able to express a fraction of my mind to you!

Nana is a great woman, one of the greatest I know, and deserves to have the world know her greatness.  She is leaving a legacy in her family.

Also, we celebrated Little L.'s birthday a few days early with her grandparents and great-grandparents

Thanksgiving update!

Hello everyone!  I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving yesterday.  I certainly did!  The day was so jam-packed busy, I don't even know where to start!  Well, I'm sure you probably don't want to read all the details about cleaning my house and washing a million dishes, but I'll cover the highlights!

We set up our Christmas tree, and Little L. was BESIDE HERSELF excited!  She kept going "wowwwww!!!!!" and she got all the ornaments out of the box, arranged them and sorted them on the floor, and then was beyond thrilled to help put them on the tree.  She found a train one, and it has yet to go on the tree....she keeps driving it around the floor going "choo choo!"

Olá gente!  Espero que todos tiveram um feliz Ação de Graças ontem.  Eu tive!  O dia foi tão cheio e corrido que nem sei onde começar!  Bem, acho que vocês não gostariam de ler todos os detalhes de como limpei a casa e lavei um milhão de louças, mas falarei das melhores partes!

Montamos nossa árvore de Natal, e Little L. estava TÃO animada!  Ela ficou olhando, apontando, e dizendo "uauuuu!!!!!" e ela tirou todos or ornamentos da caixa e organizou eles no chão, e depois ficou mais animada ainda que ela podia ajudar a colocá-los na árvore.  Ela achou um ornamento de um trenzinho, e até agora não foi parar na árvore....ela fica brincando com ele no chão dizendo "choo choo!"

 The afternoon was spent cooking (we didn't have dinner until around 7pm) and rearranging the house.  We took our couch out and put it on our front porch, shoved our table up against the wall, and opened up the whole space to be able to shove together a few plastic tables, which would be our big Thanksgiving table.  The turkey took almost twice as long as it was supposed to, so we ended up running a little late with dinner.  It worked out okay; we played some games until it was dinner time.  The people who came were enthralled with Little L., and she loved all the attention.  She spent the whole time showing off the Christmas tree and running around giggling and squealing.  Our guests included four of my current students, and two people who became my students during the activity!

Passamos a tarde cozinhando (o jantar não foi servido até depois das 19h) e reorganizando a casa.  Tiramos nosso sofá e deixamos ele na varanda, encostamos a mesa no balcão, e abrimos o espaço para juntar as mesas de plástico, para ser nossa mesa grande de Thanksgiving.  O peru demorou quase 2 vezes o tempo esperado para cozinhar, então atrasamos um pouco o jantar.  Mas deu tudo certo; tivemos algumas brincadeiras até terminar tudo.  As pessoas que vieram se apaixonaram por Little L., e ela adorou a atenção.  Ela passou o tempo todo mostrando a árvore de Natal a todo mundo e correndo para lá e para cá, dando risada e gritando de alegria.  Nossos convidados foram 4 dos meus alunos atuais, e mais 2 que se tornaram alunas durante o evento!

I won't say it was perfect, because it wasn't.  My dinner rolls didn't end up happening because I ran out of flour right in the middle of the recipe and had no more time to run and get some more.  Husband was on a table run, picking up tables for us to use, so I couldn't even ask him to run to the store!  The turkey took a long time, the music wasn't as perfect as I was hoping (it was Christmas music though, so that's gotta count for something!).  Even though it wasn't perfect, it was my kind of perfect.  Before we served ourselves dinner, we all said three things we were grateful for, I told them about the history of Thanksgiving in the USA, and some of my family's traditions, and Husband said a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing on the food.  It was the perfect Thanksgiving for this year, and even with the craziness, I wouldn't change a thing!

Não direi que foi perfeito, porque não foi.  Meus pãezinhos não aconteceram porque acabou a farinha de trigo no meio da receita, e não tive mais tempo para ir comprar mais.  Husband estava buscando as mesas, então não pude nem pedir para ele correr ao mercado rapidinho.  O peru demorou demais, a música não foi tão perfeita como eu esperava (mas foi música de Natal, então isso deve valer alguma coisa!).  Mesmo com todas as imperfeições, foi o meu tipo de perfeito.  Antes de nos servir, todo mundo falou 3 coisas pelas quais são gratos, eu contei a história de Thanksgiving nos EUA, e algumas tradições da minha família.  Husband fez uma oração de gratidão e uma bênção na comida.  Foi o Thanksgiving perfeito para esse ano, e mesmo com a loucura, eu não mudaria nada!

Everyone who was there (except Husband!)....yes, I am actually in this picture with Little L.!
Todo mundo que estava presente (menos Husband!)....sim, eu saí na foto com Little L.!

I forgot to take a "before" picture, so here's looking at the leftovers (aka, lunch the next few days)
Esqueci de tirar uma foto "antes", então aqui vai o que sobrou (ou seja, almoço durante os próximos dias)

So that was Thanksgiving, in a nutshell.  We are skipping December for another conversation class, but stay tuned for the flier for January!

Então, aí foi Thanksgiving, resumido.  Vamos pular o evento de conversação em dezembro, mas fiquem atentos para o anúncio para a aula de conversação de janeiro!

On a more personal note, I just wanted to say how grateful I am for a Husband who supports me in everything I am doing.  Back in college, when Husband and I decided we'd get married and live down here, a lot of my friends and colleagues asked me what I planned to do in Brazil.  I always laughed and told them I'd have babies and teach English.  I never imagined that I'd essentially start a home business that just keeps growing (without even trying, really), and that I'd really enjoy teaching English.  I love it, and even though I am exhausted by the end of the day, I wouldn't change it.  I feel like I am doing something to help my family, and to help all my students and friends.  And Husband has been by my side through it all, supporting me, cheering me on, and encouraging me to keep putting myself out there, building up my reputation and always looking for new things to do for my students.  He has been by my side 100%, and especially in the last year when things have REALLY picked up.  And I am so grateful for Little L. being so patient with all my classes!  She loves my students, and even though this is the only thing she's ever known (Mommy teaching classes at home, I mean), she is a really good sport about it, even on really busy days when I can't play with her as much as we'd both like.  My family is everything, and I am so grateful for them.  And along with that, I am grateful for my STUDENTS, who understand that sometimes my attention is split between them and Little L., and yet they still keep coming back!  They are wonderful people, and I feel privileged to be their teacher. 

Agora falando mais pessoal, eu só queria dizer o quanto sou grata por meu Husband que me apoia em tudo que estou fazendo.  Quando eu estava na faculdade, quando Husband e eu decidimos que iríamos casa e morar aqui no Brasil, muitos amigos e colegas meus me perguntaram o que eu faria no Brasil.  Eu sempre dava risada e respondia que eu teria bebês e ensinaria inglês.  Eu nunca imaginei que eu basicamente abriria um negócio em casa que está crescendo mais e mais (sem muito esforço, na verdade), e que eu acabaria gostando muito de ensinar inglês.  Eu amo isso, e mesmo que eu esteja totalmente exausta no final do dia, eu não o mudaria.  Sinto que estou ajudando minha família, e ajudando meus alunos e amigos.  E Husband está ao meu lado o tempo todo, me apoiando e encorajando, sempre me ajudando a melhorar e ver coisas novas que posso fazer para meus alunos.  Ele está ao meu lado 100% desde o início, e principalmente no último ano, quando as coisas cresceram muito.  E também sou tão grata por Little L., por ela ser tão paciente com todas minhas aulas!  Ela adora meus alunos, e mesmo que essa seja a única vida que ela conhece (Mommy dando aulas em casa, quero dizer), ela está muito tranquila, mesmo nos dias mais corridos quando não posso brincar com ela o quanto nós gostaríamos.  Minha família é tudo, e sou tão grata por eles.  E mais sobre isso, sou grata por meus ALUNOS, que entendem que às vezes minha atenção está dividida entre eles e Little L., e mesmo assim ainda voltam!  São pessoas incríveis, e sinto privilegiada por ser sua professora!

Attitude of Gratitude!

I had started to write a post about how it's been 8 years a couple weeks ago since I got my mission call.  And I had a lot to say about that, but then all of a sudden it just didn't feel like what I should be writing about at the moment.  I'm not exactly sure why.

The past couple weeks have been really great, but spotted with some tricky news here and there, that is greatly affecting people we know and love.  I can't go into details, just because it's not my news to share.  These are some of the moments I wish I could do more, though.  I often feel like I can't help people with their problems, just because I don't have the solution, or any way to physically help.  But I guess just knowing that they can confide in me is already a big help.  I know that when I am going through something, just having people to talk to is sometimes what literally gets me through the rough patches.  At least that's how it's been lately.

I am just so grateful for the people God has put in my life.  I don't believe in coincidences, nor do I believe completely in "randomness".  The people who are in my life are not there randomly.  Many of them are angels who have helped me and my family through some of the most difficult days, most of the time without even realizing it.  I always get emotional talking about this, because the last 2 years especially have been full of these kinds of realizations.  2 years ago, my students (more important than being students, they are my friends) threw me a surprise baby shower, at just the right moment.  Months later when Little L. was very small and Husband was at work way too much, they noticed some things we needed in the way of food, and then (without mentioning a word of this to me) showed up late one night with all that, and more.  One of these angels (more recently) tried as hard as she could, with one good connection she had, to get Husband transferred to a better base.  He was, possibly in part due to her efforts.  About a year ago, another student and friend set up a big group class for me at her company.  That worked out for a few months, but even though that ended, I have several current students that began as part of that group.  She has also been our friend through some of the hardest days we've been through recently, and has helped Husband just by listening to him tell his work stories!  Most recently, another new student/friend of mine found out that Little L. wasn't feeling so well, and brought medicine over for her.

I could go on and on about the angels in our life, and there are so many I haven't even mentioned.  I guess what I'm really trying to say is that we need each other, and God knows that....not only does He know it, but He specifically puts people in our lives, exactly when we need them most.  And more often than not, we are forever changed by the people we meet.  I may forget people's names, but I never forget the impact they have had on me.

I have just felt so grateful lately for all the people in my life, and for all the blessings in my life.  Brazil doesn't have Thanksgiving; that is a USA holiday.  But we are going to celebrate it here in our house, and thinking about that has definitely made me stop to think about my blessings more than I usually do.



Eu tinha começado uma post sobre como faz 8 anos (e algumas semanas) desde que eu recebi meu chamado missionário.  Eu tinha muito para falar do assunto, mas de repente não sentia mais que devia escrever sobre aquilo no momento.  Não sei exatamente por quê.

Essas últimas semanas têm sido ótimas, mas também tinha algumas notícias difíceis que estão afetando pessoas que conhecemos e amamos.  Não posso entrar em detalhes, pois não são minhas notícias para compartilhar ou falar.  São os momentos que eu queria que eu pudesse fazer mais.  Frequentemente sinto que não posso ajudar as pessoas com seus problemas, porque eu não tenho a solução e nem um meio físico para ajudar.  Mas acho que só saber que podem confiar em mim já é uma grande ajuda.  Sei que quando eu estou passando por alguma coisa, só saber que posso conversar com alguém às vezes é literalmente o que me leva pelos momentos mais difíceis.  E tem sido assim ultimamente.

Sou tão grata pelas pessoas que Deus tem colocado em minha vida.  Eu não acredito em coincidências, nem em "por acaso".  As pessoas que estão na minha vida não estão aqui por acaso  Muitas delas são anjos que têm ajudado minha família passar por alguns dos momentos mais difíceis, muitas vezes sem nem saber disso.  Eu sempre me emociono falando disso, porque principalmente os últimos 2 anos têm sido cheios desses anjos.  2 anos atrás, minhas alunas (e mais importante, minhas amigas), fizeram um chá de bebê de surpresa, no momento certo.  Meses depois, quando Little L. era bem pequena e Husband estava trabalhando demais, elas perceberam que faltamos algumas coisas em casa, e aí (sem falar comigo), apareceram na minha casa tarde uma noite com tudo que faltava, e mais.  Um desse anjos (mais recentemente), tentou tudo que ela podia, com um conhecido dela, para que Husband fosse transferido para um lugar melhor.  Ele foi, talvez em parte por causa do esforço dela.  Um ano atrás, uma outra aluna/amiga nova arranjou para eu dar aula na empresa onde ela trabalha, para um grupo de alunos.  Deu certo durante alguns meses, e apesar de ter acabado, tenho vários alunos hoje por causa daquele grupo.  Ela também tem sido nossa amiga durante alguns dos dias mais complicados ultimamente, e ajuda Husband só escutando ele desabafar! Mais recentemente, uma nova aluna/amiga descobriu que Little L. não estava sentindo bem, e trouxe remédio para ela, do nada assim.

Eu poderia continuar a falar sobre os anjos em nossa vida, e tem tantos que nem mencionei ainda.  Acho que o que estou querendo dizer é que precisamos uns dos outros, e Deus sabe disso...não apenas sabe, mas Ele coloca as pessoas em nossa vida, exatamente quando mais precisamos delas.  E a maioria das vezes, somos mudados para sempre pelas pessoas que conhecemos.  Talvez eu esqueça os nomes das pessoas, mas jamais esqueço o impacto que têm em mim.

Só tenho sentido cheia de gratidão ultimamente pelas pessoas e bênçãos em minha vida.  Aqui no Brasil não temos Ação de Graças, pois é um feriado americano.  Mas aqui em casa iremos comemorar, e pensar em tudo isso com certeza me fez pensar em minhas bênçãos mais que normal.